Oh, what a night...

"We're gonna laugh and dance half the night away
We're gonna scream and shout while the music plays
Then around about two, tell you what I'm gonna do
Girl I'm gonna take you home and stick plenty love to you
Let's get it on all night long, just you girl and me

You're my million dollar baby
My pretty sexy lady oh
Oh what a night for dancing
Oh what a night for romancing " - Barry White

I just don't want to stand by the outlines. I don't want to be out of this. Specially when it's something I've always wanted so much... It feels sometimes like someone stole all that from me and left me here standing with no possibilities but many wishes, many desires.

I'm tired of hearing that it's just for now... that it's gonna end. It was supposed to have ended already!!! Or so I hoped... Still hope actually. I know what needs to be done, I just think I hadn't had the courage to stand in front of a mirror and say: "You can't ok? So just stay put." I still delude myself into thinking that I'll have fun.

After the dellusion is over, the only thing left is regret, sorrow and sadness. The thought of being so dumb not to have foreseen what would happen. Actually this thought comes knocking right after I come in, and the music starts. A thought that makes me want to cry... so badly that I do the greatests of efforts to control myself. Gladly I've still been able to take control, but this time it really came close. I really almost bursted into tears.

I'm tired, you know... and going just makes me worse. I still feel like I'll never get there... and I still feel all those things you've already cleared out a thousand times... and maybe it is your fault... you're really not helping me cope with the situation from this behaviour you have. I just can't cope with this. I really can't deal with this... not now, and I really don't know if I'll ever be able to cope with it. I probably won't be... if things don't change... I keep hoping it will get better, and maybe I'll get to learn something, but it just seems impossible (learning something).

It just seems I'll never be able to catch up with you.

The thing I always dreamt of was being able to dance and have fun with my boyfriend. I never had boyfriends which could dance... but now I do... and it makes almost no difference... it's just worst... cause before they would dance with me because they couldn't dance... but now he can and he still doesn't dance with me.

I really hope a trip to Rio and some good old friends of mine will make me happier about this dancing thing. If not... I really won't know what to do. Keep your fingers crossed for me ok?

What am I to you?

Achei... a música. Amo demais Norah Jones...
She expresses everything I wish I could say in simple direct lines.




"What am I to you
Tell me darling true
To me you are the sea
Vast as you can be
And deep the shade of blue

When you're feeling low
To whom else do you go
See I'd cry if you hurt
I'd give you my last shirt
Because I love you so

Now if my sky should fall
Would you even call
I've opened up my heart
I never want to part
I'm giving you the ball

When I look in your eyes
I can feel the butterflies
I'll love you when you're blue
Tell me darlin' true
What am I to you ..."

Tenho vontade de dizer alguma coisa que não sei bem o que. Vontade de comunicar sentimento que não sei descrever com palavras. Está aqui, não é ruim, não é exatamente bom, é neutro, é vontade de dizer aquilo que não sei o que.

Continuo sem saber e procurando como transcrever o que é isso que eu tenho a dizer. Um dia eu descubro e volto aqui.

Cicatriz

Entre tantas que tenho e que me acompanham e contam minha história, essa é a única que eu sempre olharei para ela e me lembrarei feliz dos teus acontecimentos. Sim, feliz de verdade. Enquanto todas as outras me lembram de tudo de ruim que foi, e de tudo de triste que aconteceu, essa me faz pensar que se não fosse por ela não seríamos nós. Ela me faz pensar que por causa daquilo tudo que tudo isso de bom aconteceu. E isso me faz sorrir!

Todas as outras me entristecem, saber que elas aconteceram e que eu sou assim, toda remendada. Ela não. Eu penso que ela teve que acontecer, por que nós tínhamos que acontecer. Eu acho que tínhamos que acontecer sim... eu acho que o decorrer dos fatos e o rumo que eles tomaram foi sim proposital para que depois de algum tempo pudessemos nos reencontrar com tempo suficiente para que surgisse o que surgiu.

Parecfe bobeira, mas até você já me disse, coisas ruins acontecem por um motivo, porque virão coisas melhores. Eu acredito nisso verdadeiramente. Foi ruim? Sim, mas só durante o tempo que eu ainda não tinha você ao meu lado. Depois que você me abraçou, nada mais daquilo importava, e superar tudo aquilo com você do meu lado foi fichinha. Você me deu forças, carinho e suporte, e eu precisava de você. Não foi à toa que foi você quem me disse aquilo, era pra ser você. Era pra ser. Simples assim.

É por isso que mesmo quando eu me irrito, me chateio, me frustro com os meus limites, eu não consigo deixar de olhar pra ela e pensar feliz que ela me fez mais feliz ao me trazer você. E ela vai estar sempre aqui comigo, e toda vez que eu olhar pra ela vou sempre me lembrar de você e de tudo de bom, e vou sorrir. Então sorria. Eu estou feliz.

Day 1

"I hope you can understand. The problem is: I could really fall in love with you. It's really easy, 'cause it's you, and you know me, and I know you, and we've been you and me forever."

So, I did fall for you. I've been falling since day 1. Right now I'm way past falling, I fell totally and completely.

Today is not the most important day of all, it couldn't be the most important day just because it's your birthday, not just because of that. But together we can make this the most important day of all, just because you're there next to me and I'm there next to you. Because each and every day I'm next to you is the most important day, and being together with you is the most important moment of my day.

So today can and probably will be the most important day of all because we'll be together and as always it's going to be great, memorable and loving. Today will be the most important day of all, because it has been the most important day of all since day 1. It's all together, it never ended and it never starts again. It's all the most important day, because ever since I started sharing my days with you they became more meaningful. Because ever since I started being with you I have been much happier than I've ever thought it could be possible.

Today I hope you feel the same and you're happy to share this very important day with me, as I'm happy to spend and share all the days with you.

I've always wished nothing but the BEST to you, and I still wish you the best and always will wish you the best. Enjoy this day the best way you can think of, share it with who you want, and be sure that I'll ways be here for you, in the good and bad times, because much more than sharing the good things, being supportive and loving in the hard days is as important as loving you in the good times. And I love you always dear, at all times.

Happy birthday.

Now stop reading and come give me a kiss ok?

Butterfly

I'm taking a moment just imaginin' that I'm dancin' with you
I'm your pole and all you're wearing is your shoes
You got soul, you know what to do to turn me on until I write a song about you
And you have your own engaging style
And you've got the knack to vivify
And you make my slacks a little tight, you may unfasten them if you like
That's if you crash and spend the night

But you don't fold, you don't fade
You've got everything you need, especially me
Sister you've got it all
You make the call to make my day
In your message say my name
Your talk is all the talk, sister you've got it all

Curl your upper lip up and let me look around
Ride your tongue along your bottom lip and bite down
And bend your back and ask those hips if I can touch
Because they're the perfect jumping off point of getting closer to your

Butterfly
Well you float on by
Oh kiss me with your eyelashes tonight
Or Eskimo your nose real close to mine
And let's mood the lights and finally make it right
But you don't fold, you don't fade, you've got everything you need
Especially me
Sister you've got it all

You make the call to make my day
In you message say my name
Your talk is all the talk sister you've got it all
You've got it all, you've got it all, you've got it all (2x)

You've got it all, you've got it all

Doll I need to see you pull your knee socks up
Let me feel you up side, down side, in side, out side, over here
Climb in my mouth now child

Butterfly, well you landed on my mind
Dammit you landed on my ear and then you crawled inside
Now I see you perfectly behind closed eyes
I wanna fly with you and I can never lie to you
'Cause I, 'cause I can't recall a better day
I'm coming to shine on the occasion

You're an open minded lady
You've got it all
And I never forget a face
If I'm making my own
I have my days
Let's face the fact here, it's you that's got it all

You know that fortune favors the brave
Well let me get paid while I make you breakfast
The rest is up to you, you make the call

You make the call to make my day
In your message say my name
Your talk is all the talk, sister you've got it all

I can't recall a better day
So I'm coming to shine on the occasion
You sophisticated lady, oh you've got it all

You've got it all, you've got it all, you've got it all (3x)
You've got it all, you've got it all....

Butterfly, baby, well you've got it all

Down down down

Com tudo isso eu fico assim triste. E é só isso que eu tenho a dizer. Deitar, dormir, fazer nada, me esconder e só. Vai passar eu sei, mas agora eu quero um buraco pra me esconder. Deal?

Update:

E depois de ouvir o que vc queria ouvir? E se depois de tudo isso você meio que não acredita como poder ser possível tudo isso em tão pouco tempo?? Será que eu desejei tanto e tão forte assim pra conseguir fazer tudo acontecer tão rápido desse jeito?

E se eu consegui? E se eu realmente posso? I'm free??? Eu só tava esperando essa notícia lá pra fevereiro. Não sei se consigo acreditar ainda. But, new times ask for new actions so tomorrow I'm starting with back to the old life project. Weird.